The Bennett Boards

Many of you are aware of problems that I have been having since my mom, in conjunction with her brothers and sister, decided to fast for me. You may wonder what that is about but don't know how or whether it is appropriate to ask, so I thought I would let you know what I can. I am not looking for sympathy or "oh, poor Rob." Everyone has problems-many of which are more severe than mine. What I do want is your love and support which will help me more than anything else.

I have been having a number of health problems over the past several years that have made some severe impacts in my life, especially for someone so relatively young. Without going into all the details, I have had a colonoscopy, endoscopy (confirming existence of a gastric ulcer), orithectomy (removal of a testicle through the abdomen to inspect for cancer. I had nodules growing. They removed the outer layer that had the lumps and pathology came back benign, so they put everything back. The swelling the followed was beyond expectations), stablizing diabetes, losing 30 pounds (contributing factor from the ulcer) and bi-polor (I'll come back to this). These issues are certainly less than what others deal with, and I am grateful not only for the health that I have, but for a family that has been there for me while I have gone through them (sometimes, the anticipation of the results is worse than the procedure).

I was diagnosed bi-polar II which is a functional level of bi-polar. Bipolar I is considered unable to function in normal society. In 2006, I recieved my first ever negative job evaluation because of my mood swings and that was the catalyst for me to recognize that I needed help. We went through many rounds to trying different medications over 2 years, counselling, and trying to find something that would level me out. For two years, emotionally, I have been going through my gethsemane. Feelings at times have sunk so far as contemplating suicide, although I have never once considered ever acting on those thoughts. I know they come from a mental health issue and will pass, so as long as I keep this thought in mind, I know I am not and will not be in danger. It has been a rough ride and continues to be. A lesser woman would not have been able to put up with it all, but my greatest blessing is Joylynn who has stood by me and never gave up on me, even knowing that this may be my lot in life for the rest of my life.

I was on long-term disability for a little over a year. During this time, I ran for re-election and lost due to a smear campaign that came out 4 days before the election with no time to rebutt. This contributed to a lack of self confidence and depression that I am still dealing with at times. I decided that my previous line of work in computers was likely contributing to my depression and have been blessed to be able to go back to school to work on a masters degree in political science. I am doing research right now on voting and campaign spending habits in local elections in 12 cities around the state over a 7 year period to see how that has changed in relation to the rate of inflation. I am going to try to submit the research paper for publication when it is completed. So, I have something to look forward to.

I am not sure what I am going to do with my life. I don't know what I am best suited for and hit my "mid-life crisis" about 10 years earlier than a lot of men do in deciding "is this really what I want to be doing for the rest of my life?" I still don't have answers, but I haven't given up looking.

My psychiatrist and I have decided to try some aggressive treatment to give me some stability in my emotional states. It is always a tradeoff between benefits and side effects. I have been on a med this week that has kept me very stable. However, 40% of people who use it gain up to 60 lbs. over time while using it, and I usually am in the bad part of statistics, but I am going to do everything I can to stay as healthy as possible.

Sorry to have to lay all of this out, but I felt the need to provide understanding to those closest to me who care so much and want to know what they can do. Right now, I don't need anything but to know that my brothers and sisters in this family care about me and that I am not alone. Setting up this message board is part of that ideal and therapy for me to get back in contact with those who I/we can draw strength from. If you can find the time to participate, I know that I and hopefully you will draw closer together and be able to support each other as we go through life's challenges.

Rob

Hi Rob,
I just finished reading about all you have been through! I am so sorry! You have an incredible attitude, and I so admire your courage and honesty and the ability to stay grateful. You have a wonderful family by your side, and hopefully, through this website, you will feel more love and support from your extended family. Thank you for sharing! You're amazing! Anyone can be happy when things are going great and according to plan. It's when the curve balls come that our true character is revealed. Love you, Raylene

Thanks Raylene. Everyone has their challenges and mine aren't any worse than so many other people's. I didn't write this up for anyone's pity or sympathy. I just wanted my loved ones to be aware that I have had some things in life that may have been going on for a long, long time and only now are starting to get sorted out. Just the fact that these problems have a name and can be dealt with is a great blessing.

I appreciate all of you so much. I just hope that in the midst of all of our busy lives we can spare a couple of minutes to stop by here once a week or so and see what is going on with each other. Thanks for replying to my message and for your supportive words.

Rob